The following is must a small journal I’ve been keeping each day, documenting what I’m thinking and doing. I figured reading my thoughts may help other people understand their own. This is a work in progress—unedited and raw—so expect to see it change.
Document it,
These days are
History being written—so this
Is what it looks like in side
Of a text book…
I pictured these tragedies to
be in black and white—
but it’s just
another day, followed
by another…
They bleed together until
you hear the news.
April 7th 2020,
68 and sunshine
12854 US total dead,
“worse days yet to come”
April 8th 2020
70 overcast
14,768 us total dead
Jesus.
“worse days yet to come.”
Fuck.
This worlds gone to hell—
Dammit, I gotta let it out.
Pour me a glass, hand me a pen.
I’m not writing to write—
Just to comprehend.
Instead of sleep I stare at the ceiling,
Listening to my pounding heart beat
I picture the poster at work
“Call this number Incase of anxiety”
I imagine a lady on the other side of the phone
Calm gentle voice
“It’ll be okay—we’ll get through this.”
I hope, I hope—how could she be so calm—
I wonder what’s hanging on her wall—
a posted note she wrote herself:
“Good luck.”
I never actually make the call.
We Smile, we joke,
We Wash your hands,
We take a deep breaths,
We take our temperatures
We Take a hot shower,
we laugh, I think we cry,
we attempt to hide it all
Inside—
Some are better than others,
Poker faces; just another day.
I can never tell if I’m over reacting
or under reacting,
Dammit,
It’s too hard to
Tell.
I had to stop watching the news, watching the numbers, “this is a war” they say
Here I am, front lines dodging these invisible Bullets, waiting day after day,
just waiting to see
if I’ve been hit.
Stocking shelves with TP
some lady calls me
a hero.
They give capes to anyone these days,
She cough, I hold my breath and shudder.
Governor says stay inside
Live alone or die alone
Social creatures locked
In isolation
Those with god
die with Jesus
By their side, the
Rest of us
Still pray just
to stay
alive
Sat on the couch today
So much to do
Too much time to do it
I change the channel
The news says
people who Stay at home
Are heroes.
People give capes to anyone these days.
I change the channel,
Ifs April, Christmas movies are in.
I’m drinking a glass of whiskey
Listening to Johnny Pine, Dead,
as I do the dishes,
Our American pie
These are days the music dies
Who is next, I’ll just listen
have to listen to the radio,
Until then, until then…
I just pour another drink
I listen to the news
Again—
Obese and high blood pressure
The most sick.
Panic,
I’m going
to die.
I take my temperature
97.6,
I need
To go on a diet.
I stress eat to make
It all go
Away.
I wear a fabric mask to make myself feel
Better… it’s an old crown royal bag,
I wear it because I need a drink.
Another Poem Another Day 